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Cezara-Lucia Vlădescu

Cezara-Lucia Vlădescu

The Astronaut’s Wife

It was June, one year after we met
I said – thank God it’s not September
When my parents got wed
They could have still been married
My father could have been a smart boy
If he wanted.

 

Didn’t wanted a ring
Settled for a tattoo instead
When in space I could have still worn it,
When in space we could have still been married.

 

I always hated tattoos
Also – I hate that I didn’t see you.
I made you what I wanted you to be
A reflection of my inner,
Which you never bounced back to me.
Blinded by you,
Blinded by the lack of it
When in space, I was told,
Gravity won’t hold us together.

Darling.

 

And it’s not that you got married
That’s your cross you have to carry
You could have been my man
If you’d had wanted
I would have been
The Astronaut’s Wife

Darling.

 

Now I’m thanking God
He didn’t listen to my stupid, stupid pray
You and I together
That’s no more a pray
Call it – the moment God pissed on my head.
I bet Goddie has more things to come for me.
“Q.E.F. – Send them all with Jesus, Goddie.
At least he knows how to wear the clothes I’m buying.”

 

By the way, that day you were out with your fiancé walking behind you,
Like you like them, gypsy-style?
You stopped looking at someone, remember?
Remember, when the earth was flat, white, and sunny?
You looked as if you felt the dust off your fingers
If you take out the glove
When in space.

When in space we could have been married.

When on earth, I was told,
Gravity is futile.

Darling.

 

That was me you looked at.
I was years away, ahead of you,
You wanted me to be behind.

Futile.

 

So you know now how it feels
To be in space without a suit
You Astronaut.

Guess you too landed on the Moon
Needed the entire world to live your lies
As if without them you are nothing but a fraud.
Without a suit.
You Astronaut.

 

Pulverized you looked at me
Half-Ionized I walked away
With my sister on the right
Last time you saw her, you asked for my hand
Goddie, give a little piss-dust away
For this special moment, let’s all give thanks.

 

The biggest fraud is to believe,
Love is somehow meant to begin
With a start.
And end when we feel humans about it.

What’s the point, if you behave like an animal?

Just blow up the moon already, let the tides decide who’s right.
Meanwhile –

 

I am not Ileana,
You’re not them, either.
Andrei, Barbu, they both knew
She died long time before
They could catch the distance between
Now
And the space after the infinite,
When they decided :
They both loved her.

What’s the point if you can’t have the one that you want.

Darling.

 

If you would have wanted it,
You could have been my man.
I would have been the Astronaut’s Wife

Now Jesus is wearing my clothes
God still pisses on my head
I try to think it’s glory,
That I’m The Self-Chosen,
When in fact –
I am no longer the Astronaut’s Wife.

 

You’re finally pulverized
I’m fully ionized.

 

This Coda is leaving me memories-less.
I wish I could hear the music again,
But even if I would,
I no longer understand.

 

I wanted you to remember who I was,
But I never was who I am,
In that time and space
I wasn’t there.

 

While in space, without a suit, I am not dust
While in space, I am who I always was
Only this song is dying without me
Never love.
Love always lasts.

 

Only this song is dying without me
Never love.
Love always lasts.

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